


it's not because you look like

by CaptainKyburz



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, I honestly have no idea how to tag this..., Inappropriate Torture Jokes, M/M, Multi, Pistol Whipping A Hostage, Steve and Jensen Look A Lot Alike, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainKyburz/pseuds/CaptainKyburz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s like Freaky Friday. If, of course, Freaky Friday included pistol whipping a hostage.</p><p>In which warehouses happen, so does a not-hostage-exchange, Hydra fucks up, Bucky learns about leather pants, Aisha makes a friend, and Jensen… well, Jensen lacks clothes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's not because you look like

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cleo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleo/gifts).



> So, part of my prompt said “ _post CA:tWS/Losers (crossover) where Bucky spots Jensen and mistakes him for Steve incognito_ ” and I died a little inside because ALL OF THE YES.  
> This is that fic. Sort of.
> 
> (Well, my computer crashed, and every time I tried to recreate the fic I’d lost, I just got incredibly frustrated, so I had to restart.)
> 
> Updated and edited as of 5/30/16.

Jensen wakes up naked and tied to a chair with a canvas sack over his head. Sadly, this is not an improvement from his previous situation, because before he was unconscious he could at least see. Okay, so his captors moved him while he was out. He wiggles his arms and legs, hoping they've been a little less careful tying him up this time, but if anything, the bindings seem slightly tighter, and definitely a stronger material than the dirty rope they were using prior to moving him.

Before he was knocked out, one of people who had him mentioned that they were ‘taking blondie to the boss soon’. If he’s blondie, and Max is the boss, then who’s flying the plane?

 _Ouch_ , bad thought, laughing definitely is not a good idea because his ribs feel very bruised.

A ways off, he hears a door open, which supports his theory that he’s been moved. Before, he was in a small room, and from the echo of the footsteps now, he’s in some sort of large warehouse or abandoned building. Three sets of footsteps; one sounds like combat boots, and the other two are barely above a whisper.

The hood is ripped from his head, and Jensen blinks, adjusting to the dim light and the blurriness caused by his lack of glasses. There are three people in front of him, two men and a woman. All are dressed for combat; the long haired brunet man and redheaded woman in skintight black leather, and the other man in a less tight but still intimidating combat suit.

“Man, that is so freaky,” the third guy mutters, and the long haired man shoots him a sharp look. “I guess I'll leave you two to it,” he says as he walks back to the door behind Jensen.

He was right about the warehouse part. His chair is in the center of a large room, and there are dusty old crates stacked in the corner. Some kind of abandoned shipping facility, probably. There are no details that tell him he’s still in Belarus, but he doesn't think he was out long enough for them to have taken him very far from the original facility.

The door slams shut behind the third man, and Jensen is willing to bet anything that the ‘it’ he said he was leaving them to is an interrogation.

“So,” Jensen croaks out, “what’s with the S&M getup?”

The redheaded woman backhands him. Hard. “What are you? Who are you working for?”

“Did you know that leather was first made into clothing in 40,000BC by th--” he gets slapped again, harder this time, and tastes blood.

“Where is S-- Captain America?” the man demands, grabbing Jensen by the throat and tilting his chair backwards. Jensen struggles for air, the cold metal constricting his throat. He barely has time to think _wait, what the fuck?_ before the woman is pulling the man back with a hand or his shoulder. She says something into his ear and he takes a short step back, face twisted with rage.

“Do you know who we are?” the woman asks.

Jensen blinks at her. And then blinks again. And then has the mother of all _holy fuck why did I not see this way earlier?_ moments because “You’re the Black Widow. Natasha Romanoff. And he’s the Winter Soldier! I saw your trial! And the other guy is the Falcon! Holy shit, I just got pimp slapped by the Black Widow! Nobody is ever gonna believe this!”

Aforementioned Black Widow raises a judgemental and questioning eyebrow at him, and Jensen realizes he should probably be questioning why they have him here. Going off of the earlier inquiry, it’s something to do with Captain America, which may be a bit of a problem. He’s well aware that sans the glasses and facial hair, and plus about twenty super-soldier-serum-ized pounds of muscle he’d look a hell of a lot like Cap. In the eyes of anyone, tying him to Cap’s possible disappearance wouldn't be that far of a stretch. In the eyes of the Black Widow and Winter Soldier, who appear to be missing a patriotic superhero, his existence in itself is suspicious.

“Okay, okay, listen,” Jensen says, because the Winter Soldier looks close to doing something worse than just hitting him, “it isn't what it looks like. Well, _I_ isn't what _I_ looks like, because I get that I look like Cap, but I have nothing to do with whatever you’re accusing me of.”

“What are we accusing you of?”

“Kidnapping, or Cap-napping, or something like that.” There is a really good hand gesture to go with that phrase that Jensen unfortunately cannot complete. “And before you say anything about how knowing the crime is admitting guilt, I would like to state the words _context clues_ for the record.”

The Soldier and Widow give each other significant looks.

“My name is Jacob Jensen, okay? I mean, I'm technically legally dead, but I have military records, driver’s license, history,” the Black Widow stares at him for a few moments, then pulls out a StarkPhone.

“You've got a SHIELD record, too,” she says after another few tense moments, which the Winter Soldier spends looking at Jensen with murder in his eyes. “This says you ‘died’ in Bolivia, 2010. Suspected involvement in two connected incidents in Miami and L.A. later the same year.” Well, neither of those events were the best examples of the Losers’ collective ability to use skills like stealth and subtlety. “This also contains evidence that you have a… _talent_ with computers, so forgive me if I don’t believe everything I read about you online.”

By some sort of unspoken agreement, or possibly telepathic connection, the Winter Soldier and Black Widow both turn and stride towards to door, leaving Jensen alone.

+

Steve wakes up naked and tied to a chair, with a canvas sack over his head. The first thing he notices is that he’s been moved. Not only is the air warmer and more dusty, the sound in the room echoes differently. The chamber he was in before was built for interrogation and to muffle sound. This room, wherever his is, was not built with that in mind. In fact, it seems like he’s in an older abandoned structure, in which the walls do almost nothing to muffle conversation.

If he strains his ears, Steve can make out the voices of his captors, something he couldn't before the location change. His heightened senses are the thing most opponents forget about, and every advantage he can gain is important.

As he tries to pick out the separate the voices in the conversation, he tests the rope holding him to the chair. It’s actually quite weak, and he could probably break out with a little effort. The only problem is that he has no where to go. Steve is stark naked, without a weapon, and has no idea how many people are out there.

“... see Jensen again … didn't know about Max’s ties to … we do this my way, Clay…” That’s a woman’s voice, and from the chunks of quick speech Steve can hear, she’s irritated at this ‘Clay’.

Two different men speak after that, though they aren't loud or clear enough for Steve to make out more than a few vague sounds of words. By the end of the conversation, he’s gathered that they have him because of a missing person named ‘Jensen’. The woman wants to torture him for information, one of the men is uncomfortable with torturing Captain America, which makes Steve think they aren't Hydra, the other man is conflicted about the subject and obviously in charge of the others, and a third man, who only speaks once at the end of the conversation is very, very adamant that they get Jensen back by any means necessary.

There’s a lull in the conversation after that, but then Steve hears footsteps and the door being slammed open, so he assumes the woman and third man won out.

Three people enter the room. One, with the most quiet footsteps, stops just inside the room. The other two, both very light on their feet, but obviously not caring about whether or not he hears them, approach his chair.

The hood is ripped violently from his head, and he blinks, adjusting to the dim light. Before his eyes have a chance to fully make out the figures standing in front of him, something hard cracks across his face, snapping his head to the side. Gritting his teeth, Steve turns his head back to the woman in front of him, who just hit him with a pistol that is now pointed at his head.

“Do you know who I am?” the woman asks, her dark eyes glinting dangerously. She’s dark skinned and muscular, but even with his near-perfect memory, Steve can't place her face. The older man behind her, in a black suit and collared shirt, is just as unfamiliar as she is.

When he gives no response to the question, her face twists into a frown. “SHIELD must have some files on me…” The gun presses a little harder into his forehead, then she abruptly pulls it away and tucks it into her belt. “If you knew me, you'd know I have no particular love for the law, for America, or for its icon.” She takes a small step back, “And you'd know I have no problem torturing you.”

+

Jensen is left tied to the chair for nearly half an hour, during which he tests the ropes holding him five times, sings his way through half a _The Offspring_ album, and mentally hacks into SHIELD servers and changes every use of the word ‘and’ in an employee file to ‘hippopotamus’.

It is a long twenty-eight minutes and fifty-one seconds until the Black Widow returns, accompanied by the Falcon.

“Why were you in a Hydra facility?”

Okay, so they’re going straight back to interrogation. Hydra, though, that explains a lot. The whole operation had seemed very Max-esque, and definitely had ties to operations they know of, but their overall goal had seemed a little different from the CIA super-spook's usual MO. Still, a lead was a lead, and getting captured while breaking into a facility that wasn't supposed to exist was actually something that happened to a Loser quite often.

Honesty seems like the best policy right now. “I was looking for information on a man called Max. Your SHIELD files should tell you something about him.” Romanoff’s expression stays completely blank, and Jensen has decided that just because he’s being honest doesn't mean he has to be polite. After all, they did tie him to a chair. Naked. “I was breaking in. I got captured.”

“Did you know SHIELD was running an OP at the same time, in the same place?” the Black Widow demands.

“Happy coincidence?” Jensen tries.

None of his captors appear very happy, and quite honestly, he isn't either.

“What are the chances your team has Rogers?”

“Very high. Opposite-of-the-lottery high.”

Romanoff stares at him for long enough that someone who didn't hang out with Cougar regularly would be shifting in their chair, trying to get away from the intense gaze. “Untie him.”

“Thank fuck, this is really uncomfortable. Now, if you could get me a cell phone, and maybe some underwear, I need to make a call.”

+

The woman has been asking him questions for nearly ten minutes, and the only thing that has stopped Steve from breaking out already is the cowboy hat-wearing man by the door who has a gun trained at his head.

She’s opening her mouth to ask another when they’re interrupted by music containing the lyrics, “save a horse, ride a cowboy,” which appears to be coming from the man by the door.

The woman raises an eyebrow at him, and he flips open the phone to answer it with a soft, “ _¿Si?_ ”

Visible relief spreads across his face for a fraction of a second, then his expression shift to one of anger, and finally fond exasperation. After a few more moments, he tosses the phone to the woman and exits the room.

She listens to the man on the other end of the call for a little while, then pulls a long knife out of her pocket, and cuts Steve’s wrists free in one deft motion.

The man in the cowboy hat returns just as he’s climbing out of the chair, accompanied by the man Steve identified earlier as ‘Clay’. He looks mildly ashamed, in a way Steve has come to associate with people in charge who don’t want to admit how badly they fucked up.

“Captain Rogers, I’d like to offer my apologies for our actions. They were highly inappropriate,” he says, and the woman raises her eyebrows at him. “I,” he clears his throat, “would also like to offer you a pair of pants.”

+

The prisoner exchange that isn't actually a prisoner exchange takes place outside of yet another abandoned factory, a type of building which Jensen is getting pretty damn tired of. At least this time he’s fully clothed, and headed back to his team instead of away from them and to interrogation.

They meet in the center of the alley, and everyone except Aisha, Romanoff, and Barnes look vaguely uncomfortable. Rogers especially, who appears to be wearing on of Jensen’s faded old t-shirts that reads ‘Beach Babe’ in neon pink across the chest. It isn't exactly the best look for a national icon.

Once Jensen has finally crossed the gap between them, and is reunited with his team, Cougar rests a hand on his arm, giving Jensen’s bicep a gentle squeeze, which is the closest thing he'll get to a hug in front of strangers. Cougar isn't exactly big on PDA, but Jensen knows exactly how worried he had to have been. The sniper also pulls Jensen’s spare glasses out of his pocket, and he gives Cougar a wide grin when he slips them on.

“Maybe we should've kept the other one,” Pooch jokes, after loudly clearing his throat. “He’s less annoying.”

“Shut up Pooch, you love me.”

“No way man, you’re taking him back,” Wilson says. “Your version talks too damn much.”

The silence afterward is a little less awkward as the two teams stare at eachother. Barnes is standing slightly in front of Rogers in a way that looks more that a little protective, and Aisha and Romanoff are giving each other a stare that holds what appears to be a mixture of respect and the desire to kill the other just to see if they can.

“We should get lunch, or dinner, or the appropriate meal for whatever-the-fuck-o'clock it is,” Jensen says.

+

They end up going to a cheap restaurant in which nobody will give a fuck who they are, and Aisha, Jensen, Romanoff (who says they can call her Natasha), and Barnes (who says they can call him Bucky) order for everyone because they’re the only ones who know any Russian. Well, Bucky, and Natasha are fluent, Aisha and Jensen are passable, and Steve knows how to say like twenty phrases, none of which are good for ordering food, but most of which are good for interrogating Hydra agents.

They finally make formal introductions over drinks, which officially makes this the weirdest ending to a day that began with an interrogation, and after their food arrives, Clay finally asks what they, or at least Jensen, have all been wondering: how did they possibly fuck everything up this badly?

As it turns out, once they share and compare their stories, the whole ordeal was caused by a fairly simple mistake. Two vehicles left the compound to transport their prisoners to people higher up on the chain of command, one holding Jensen, and the other holding Steve. Due to a rather unfortunate mix up of intercepted information, the Losers went after the vehicle holding Steve, and Romanoff, Barnes, and Wilson went after the one carrying Jensen.

They figured Jensen was some sort of Hydra cloning experiment, and the Losers had no idea what the hell to make of Captain America, once they figured out who he was, so they went with the default: interrogation.

It’s mildly freaky, honestly, how much he and Steve look alike once Jensen is up close to him. In another life, they could be twins. What’s really surprising is the similarities in their personalities. Jensen kind of expected Captain freaking America to be a straight-laced virginal wet blanket, but he should have known better, going by Steve's recent actions and the fact that he was in the army. None of the biographies or films about him, except maybe the Tarantino one, do his snarky, assholish sense of humor any justice. It’s like watching himself, but less geeky and with more of a brain-to-mouth filter.

+

The goodbye is a lot less awkward than the hello, especially since there are no hostages, and most of them are pretty friendly with the others. Jensen makes them promise to call if they ever need something hacked into, or if Steve ever needs someone to pretend to be Captain America so he can take a day off. Bucky actually smiles at that one, the same amused quirk of his lip that Cougar wears during Jensen’s antics, and Natasha says that Steve can ruin his public image well enough on his own, thanks.

Clay actually salutes them, well, mostly Steve, which Jensen assumes is partially an apology for the interrogation. Aisha and Natasha shake hands, and give each other that small nod only people in the Official Badasses Club know how to do.

“Take care of yourselves,” Sam says, “and good luck. You ever need help, we've got your back.” Some day, the Losers just might need to take them up on that offer.

Later, when Cougar and Jensen are curled up together in one of the two beds in their shared motel room, Cougar finally says, “I'm glad you're back.”

That isn't only what he means, though. “I'm glad you're back,” means, “I’m glad this didn't end as badly as it could have,” and, “I'm glad I didn't have to kill anyone to get you back,” and “I'm glad this wasn't like any of the other times you were kidnapped.” Jensen knows that, and Cougar knows he knows, because he can read Cougar like a book.

“Me too,” he says, an agreement to all of those things, and then, “I can’t fucking believe I got to meet Captain America! And the Bucky Barnes! I should have asked them to sign my comic!”

He has one from a collector, an actual copy sold during WWII, in which badass soldier Bucky Barnes got turned into Cap’s kid sidekick. There was only one run of those, and they're pretty damn rare. A signed copy would be worth thousands, not that Jensen would ever sell something like that. No, he’d hang it on Becca’s wall, because she loves Captain America just as much as he does.

“Jensen,” Cougar says with a soft, rumbling chuckle that echoes in Jensen’s chest and makes him realize he’s said all that out loud. “Go to sleep.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed it, and if it wasn't what you were asking for, I'm really sorry!
> 
> (I get nervous about these types of things, and this if the first one I've ever done!)


End file.
